The Personal Confession of Kaila Prins: The Journey of An Amazing Woman from a Meat Eater to Vegan and What Made Her Go Back to Eating Meat Again?


Today I have a really interesting interview for you, that I’ve been wanting for a long time, but it was just now that I dared to ask.  It is with a beautiful woman, who has walked the path from a meat eater, through a vegetarian, to a vegan and then she went back to eating meat. In her “personal confession” you will get a chance to read what made her transition through all the diet styles mentioned above, how each one of them reflected on her health and performance, as well as what made her go back to eating meat again. You will get a chance to read what is the most valuable lesson she learned, from all the trial and errors she made.

Today, I will introduce you to Kaila Prins, who is one of the most intelligent and dedicated people I’ve ever had the chance to meet. Even though I “talked” to her just on the internet, I feel as if my life is more meaningful and as if I’ve met the smartest, wisest person. Enjoy what she had to share with us.

Ines Subashka: Introduce yourself.

Kaila Prins: My name is Kaila Prins, although I’m known around the internet as @MissSkinnyGenes. I currently blog about health, fitness, and eating disorder recovery at, and I run a podcast called “Finding Our Hunger,” on which we interview people who are finding out where they want their journeys to take them–toward better body image, a fulfilling career, and everything in between.

I am also a recovering anorectic. I have struggled with exercise addiction and food addictions for over 13 years, and now that I’m in recovery, I’m devoting my life to helping others find their way out from under the control of disordered eating and exercise. I am currently becoming a certified health coach through the Institute for Integrative Nutrition.

IS: Do you lift weights? How has weight training changed your life?

 KP: I [Read more...]

When The Soul Is Starving, The Body Is Overeating!

Ines Subashka

I loooooooove doing handstands! :)

It happens again. The emotions are taking over you. As if a storm is raging in your heart! You are trying to repress them, to hold them, to dull them You don’t want to feel, you don’t want your heart and soul to be rend by memories, disappointments, fears and dissatisfaction. You feel weak and helpless, but you don’t want the world to see you falling apart. You are afraid to share with others, to tell them that inside you are broken and that is why you bear! You stay silent and you pile up the pain. But in moments like this, the suffering is way too much and you feel incapable of controlling it!

And there you go, you reach out for food again. You hope that the escape from yourself will [Read more...]

Do You Struggle with Emotional Eating? Check Out How I Managed to Quit on It and Try It Yourself!

Ines Subashka

It happens again… the weight of the day is about to crush you. The night is here and you are alone with the silence. Your confusing thoughts are fighting for predominance. The pain is trying to conquer you and take control over your actions and thoughts. A moment of desperation, which you’d love to overcome, but some how you feel helpless and weak.

The reality seems so hard to bear, that you need to find an escape, immediately. Some kind of comfort. And you open the fridge! And an hour later you’ve eaten massive amount of food. The reality is back again, but this time it is even more unbearable and suffocating. This time, besides the disappointments, the day had to offer, You disappointed yourself!

You had promised yourself that you will never reach out to food for comfort and you just did it again!

As I shared here “My Personal Confession: Emotional Eating and The Hunger of My Soul”, I’ve also been the main character [Read more...]

The Real Reason You Can’t Stcik to Healthy Eating!

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This week emotional eating is once again on my mind, but not because I am back to filling my emotional emptiness with food, but because I met a person, who really reminds me of myself in the past- the past where I buried my emotions under piles of food.

This person made me think why we, people find it so hard to start eating healthy. You know what I am talking about. Every night you go to bed determined to start eating clean tomorrow and have a healthier lifestyle. Then, you wake up in the morning filled with enthusiasm, but as the day goes by, your daily tasks take over your life and everything is as it was yesterday. Seems as if you never find the strength to change your eating habits and your lifestyle.

Why does it happen like that? [Read more...]

Do You Care What Other People Think About You? Here Is What I’d Think of You, When We Meet!

The little machine :)

Daily I have the pleasure of meeting a lot of different people, who are really motivated to change their lifestyle and improve the quality of their life! Besides the experience I get, when it comes to workouts and nutrition, I am constantly analyzing people’s behavior. The human mind is something that has always been an enigma for me and I am always interested in what and why is happening in the mind of the person against me!

Lately, I notice that people often talk about themselves with some kind of negativity and self- hatred! I can’t even describe you how many times a day, I will hear “ I am awful at this”; “ I can’t do this”; “I look fat’; “I look disgusting”; “I am so out of shape”;” I am sorry, probably you aren’t used to train with people that are so out of shape”; “ I am doing worse than I expected”.

There is nothing wrong with a person who is being critical towards himself, but still everything has some limits and the critic should be constructive. And lately I notice that you could rarely meet somebody who loves himself. And by saying “love yourself”, I am far from the thought of an egocentric person, who thinks the world revolves around him!

When somebody walks in the gym, I don’t see him according to what he is at the moment, but according to what he has the potential to become!

When a 40 year old man, walks in the gym, I do not see a person who is out of shape, somebody who neglected his health and body and somebody who has absolutely no physical culture.

Instead, what I see is a person, who no matter his busy schedule, no matter the excuses he might make up, no matter the widely spread notions, found the motivation to change. He found the courage to show determination and do something for himself!

When an overweight girl, [Read more...]

My Personal Confession: The Hunger of My Soul and Emotional Eating

Today I try to smile even when I am upside down! :)

Let me ask you a question! Do you love yourself and do you accept the person you are( with your mistakes, hard moments you went through; the moments when you were disappointed with yourself and those that you were proud of your achievements)?

I have to confess you something! I didn’t always love myself! There was a moment in my life when it was even hard to stand myself. After the disappointments I had with basketball, I spent a couple years of self- pity and self- destruction. I was constantly thinking about the past. I didn’t wanna leave it and I used to never be in the present moment. In life’s stages like that , people tend to approach different “methods” to cope with pain and sadness- mine was emotional, binge eating. Yes, I said it! It is not just you! I’ve also done it, more than you could ever imagine.

The moments when pain is tearing your heart, and you seek for relief. The moments when guilt is [Read more...]

How to Help People Suffering From Eating Disorders

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I was reading this post called “5 Reasons Bulimia Is a Bad Idea”  on Leigh Peele’s website, when I encountered this comment:

“I can speak from personal experiance on the lack of knowledge treatment facilities have. I was dealing with this issue for over 3 years and everyone told me to learn to accept my body but what I needed to do was learn to accept the correct way to use nutrition. That was never discussed. Thankfully through people like you and others I have learned what food does and does not do for the body and weight loss. That did more for me than therapy every did.”

That made me think about bulimia, anorexia and eating disorders as a whole. You know that in my family there were two people suffering from anorexia, so [Read more...]

Scale! Scale! Scale! Your Worst Advisor!

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It’s morning. It is hot outside. You open your wardrobe and reach to take your summer clothes, but suddenly you feel like you forgot something- to weigh yourself on the scale. Did you forget that the scale, THIS OBJECT is your best friend and best advisor about the way you look? The scale is the one that “tells” you if you are beautiful, successful and worthy.

…you leave the door of your wardrobe open and go to check what the scale “thinks” about you today. There you are, 500 grams heavier than yesterday. In just a few seconds the good mood and happiness you had before that is displaced by sad and depressive thoughts. Seems like your self-esteem lowered in seconds. One moment you were feeling happy and energetic to face the new day, and suddenly darkness takes over your soul. And why is that? Because of a number on the scale!

If there is a woman who [Read more...]

Interview with Sohee Lee: Part 2

Sohee Lee

This week you will have the opportunity to read Part 2 of Sohee Lee’s great interview. In case you missed Part 1, you can read it here.

IS: We know that for a person who struggled with eating disorder it is hard to go in the gym and lift weights. There is always that fear that you might get bulky! How did you manage to cope with that prejudice? What would you tell women that are afraid of weights due to that reason?

SL: Interestingly [Read more...]

Are You Making This Mistake Which Is Hindering Your Weight Loss Progress?


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Do you often struggle staying on track with your diet? Are you one of those people that try so hard to get everything right, but never manage to achieve your goal about a lean and sexy body? What is it that is stopping your progress? Probably you are cursed to be overweight? Wrong! That is impossible! The problem is YOU! The problem is in your head and your thoughts!

I almost can’t think of a woman who doesn’t struggle or at least struggled with a disordered eating! More often than not what hinders progress are [Read more...]

Is Strong Really the New Skinny?

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Lately some of my American friends are writing about the “Strong is the new skinny” movement. You can read Eileen’s post here and Liz’s post from Cave Girl Eats here. I love what Marsha and Adam the founders of “Strong is the new skinny” have done for women all around the world, but I still want to share my opinion about the way I see, feel and understand that.

Skinny is something I never wanna be, feel, associate with and aim for! Strong is [Read more...]

Do You Want to Be Fit? Here Is How I Can Help You Achieve It!

Инес Субашка

Инес Субашка

I can’t make you lean!

The only thing I can do is give you the nutrition tips. But it is all up to you!

It is up to you, if you can show some will and discipline and eat the food that fuels your body, not your emotions!

I can’t make you strong!

The only thing I can do [Read more...]

Gailna Gegenava:The Beautiful Lady Who Went From Anorexia and Bulimia to Fit and Healthy


Galina Gegenava

It is said that humans are the supreme form of life on Earth. Then what is capable of destroying the human race if not the human himself? Today’s story is an example how the demons in our own mind can overtake our body and our entire life, take us on a journey, where we will have to face the scariest-our own self, own solitude and hopelessness…a  journey, where few people manage to survive but everybody has the chance to do it as long as he believes in himself and the unlimited possibilities of the human mind!

Today the interview is with Gailna Gegenava. A woman, who went through the terrible consequences, caused by her destructive thoughts and negative perception of her body. Today Galina looks amazing- her body “says” that she is healthy,fit and strong. Her body shows she has control over her thoughts and her life. But her life wasn’t always that way! For years Gailna struggled with eating disorders, then gained weight to become overweight, until she found the right path, that took her to the place where she stands today-happy and beautiful!

Ines Subashka: How and when did everything start? [Read more...]

What Does The Scale Tell You About Yourself?

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I am a member of the facebook group Eat Clean (no crap!). Train Smart. Stay Awesome. Forever. , created by Eileen Schreiber. A couple days ago somebody posted something about a challenge called “I’m too awesome to weigh myself this month”. That made me think about myself and the scale. I haven’t  stepped on a scale in almost two years. And that is a big thing, keeping in mind that I was addicted to it. Yes, you guessed it! I used to be just like every other woman- I measured myself and my attractiveness by the number on the scale. Then I found crossfit and my life will never be the same. I made a commitment to throw the scale away and stop living for the number it shows.

I find the challenge mentioned above to be really cool and helpful. That made me think about why I don’t care about the scale anymore.

Truth is that the scale [Read more...]

When Was The Last Time You Did Some Of These Things For Yourself?

When was the last time somebody told you they loved, because of who you are?

When was the last time somebody, told you, you were sexy and attractive, no matter if you wear size zero or size 10?

When was the last time somebody appreciated what you have achieved?

When was the last time somebody, stayed beside you, even though [Read more...]

22 Things Worth Reading

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Over the past three months, I’ve written close to a hundred articles. Today I decided to pick some of the best articles and put them together in one! Below you will see the name of the article and a short summary! If you want to read the whole article just click on its title!

1. You can’t fix a body you hate

Truth is that you can’t fix a body you hate! True beauty comes from loving yourself! When you feed your mind with negativity and self-hate, you are interfering with your progress!Your problem is hidden somewhere deeper. It might be your insecurity! Your denial to change your mindset,the denial to face your fears or chase your dreams,addressing it towards changing your body!

2. Workouts for people working in an office

Probably your work involves a lot of sitting? You feel sick, everything hurts and you would like to workout, but you think that you do not have time? See how you could be more active wherever you are!

3. 5 reasons why beautiful women lift weights

Are you a slave to the common knowledge that women aren’t supposed to lift weights? Do you think that workouts like this will make you look bulky or look like a man? See why you are wrong and how weights could help you!

4. The mirror in your head…the skeleton in your closet

If you are a person who is so lost in the higly demanding world, in all the information and expectations that are poured on us daily, that you pretty much twist your image, what you truely are, and consider yourself never good enough or beautiful enough, then read this article and quit destroying yourself, striving for perfection!

5. Squats: Why it is a MUST to do them and how to perform them properly!

Are squats part of your workout? If not, then this article is for you! Read it and see what you are missing!

6. You are more than a number

How often do you compare your attractiveness to the number on the scale? How often do you let that useless number to make you feel down and lower your self esteem?  See why it is about time o throw the scale and put the pressure behind!

7. 10 habits, fit people have

Do you wonder how some people manage to be fit? You are dying to have a body like theirs, but somehow you never get there? See how your habits, defer from the habits fit people have!

8. I used to be…

I used to long for the pounds on the scale to decrease, now I long for the pounds on the bar to increase! I used to…

9.The best advice I ever received

Did you ever get a single advice that changed your life? Check out what was the advice, that changed my view of life and people!

10.Kettlebell swing:the priceless exercise

Did you ever wonder if there is a single exercise that you could do, and get the most out of it? See what is one of the best exercises you could do, but you are still not including in your workouts!

11. Calcium and how am I still alive if I don’t consume dairy

Do you think that dairy products are the best resource of calcium? Do you think that calcium is the key to good health? See why you are wrong and what you could do to improve your health!

12. Don’t identify yourself with your work

What is hidden behind attachment? Too much love or a big dose of fear? How your habit to attach to people and situations in your life is just harming you!

13.Grains- why are they slowly killing you

Do you think that grains are healthy; that they are a must in everybody’s diet? What  if the food you call healthy is actually killing you?

14. A couple things you should see before start working out

If you are a person who doesn’t believe in words, see the visual version of how you could look depending on the choice you make in the gym and in the kitchen!

15. The chicken legs syndrome

What is your workout like? Do you neglect your legs? Then you are probably suffering from the chicken legs syndrome! Check out what it is and how you could cure it!

16.Eggs and cholesterol- who is the bad guy?

Are you afraid of eating more than two eggs a week? Are you a slave to the myth that eggs will lead to high cholesterol? Read this article and see eggs in a whole new perspective!

17. How you could always find time for workout

How often do you make excuses for skipping workouts? Probably you do not have enough time? Read how you could always fit a workout in your busy schedule!

18. 5 reasons why you are not eating healthy

You want to eat healthy, but you kind of never manage to do it? Read what hides behind your failure in healthy eating!

19. How often do you feel part of something bigger than yourself

When was the last time your heart filled with happiness and pride, not because of your own accomplishments, but because of the accomplishment of somebody else?

20. Don’t have time to workout? Try Tabata!

You don’t have time to workout but you still wanna be fit? Check out how!

21. How to reject food politely

How often do you feel guilty for rejecting food? How often do you step off your healthy diet , just because you do not wanna offend anybody? Check out how you could change that!

22. I workout because…

I do overhead squats, so when life is giving me a hard time, I can hold on to the pressure for one more day, a week or a month. I do…

Feel fat? Let’s find out why!

Love yourself

A couple weeks ago I wrote the article “You are more than a number”, when a reader wrote me, accusing me that I am encouraging women to stay obese. Tell you the truth I am far from the idea of convincing somebody to be fat or obese. Actually I am more about balance and being fit and functional. The reason I often write about body image issues, is that I have a personal story with a family member that suffered an eating disorder and the story led to death, and another one that luckily had a happy ending! Besides that I notice that body image issues are getting more publicity due to the rising frequency of girls suffering from them!

Probably 9 out of 10 girls, are concerned about the way they look. How often do you hear the statement “ I feel fat”? I hear it on a daily basis! What bothers me is that fat can’t be a feeling! Fat is an adjective! It can’t describe your inner-self and how much you are worth!

What I’d like to point out is that I encourage even women that are obese, to first start loving themselves and then deal with the weight issues. Because more often than not you have to lose your problems to lose your weight not vice versa! Most women that are currently obese have something in their past that makes them feel miserable, that makes them feel bad about themselves, makes them feel insecure. Due to the incapacity of dealing with that problem, they drown their negative emotions in food feasts, thinking that food will make them happier!

Sometimes people get lost in their desire to look good, and can’t separate their true feelings from their body image! That right there is the moment when  they transform their negative feelings into negative attitudes about their body. The bad body image days are indicators that you are feeling lonely, stressed, anxious and etc. When the thought about your bad look starts creeping in your mind, that is a sign that you have  a problem hidden on the inside! There is something that is torturing you, something that makes you feel unworthy! It turns into a vicious cycle, where these emotions, plant the seed of self-hatred, you feel weak and can’t deal with them, then it is easier to turn to food as your savior. Thus you either stuff yourself or starve yourself to death! Either way, you are just destroying yourself!

Instead of keeping your body in the prison of your negative thoughts, it would be much easier to deal with the problems instead of avoiding them! Learn to respect your strength and don’t give in to your weakness! No matter how useless you think you are, you are probably wrong! There is always something you could do, somebody you could help! Don’t rob other people’s lives from your presence! Start believing in yourself beyond your size, beyond your weight, beyond the calories you eat!

I reccomend you to watch the video!

Happy Thanksgiving Day to all Americans!

It’s not about what you are eating! It’s about what’s eating you inside!

Binge eating disorder

I’ve written before about eating disorders, I will write today and I will write in the future. Even if we realize it or not eating disorders are one of the most torturing diseases out there and the percentage of girls and boys suffering from them is growing everyday. While my main focus so far were bulimia and anorexia, today I will write about binge eating. It is the most common disorder even if most of us that have it do not admit it being a problem.
Binge eating is not the case when you ate a little more of your grandma’s apple pie; not the case when you overeat during the holidays! Binge eaters tend to eat massive amounts of food, quickly on a common basis. They don’t stop when they feel full. They also tend to eat many foods in bizarre combination!

Most often than not weight and wrong eating patterns are a symptom of a problem that has nothing to do with the food itself. Sometimes we get lost in our inability to find effective ways of coping with our stressful life and emotional setbacks. Do you already get it where I am going? Yea, right! I am talking to you! I am talking about emotional eating! Do you remember the last time you felt overwhelmed? The last time that reality was way too much to bear? Do you remember avoiding the hurt by eating huge amounts of food? Do you remember drowning those feelings in junk food? Don’t look aside! I know you recognized yourself! Till when are you going to run away from your problems? When are you gonna face them and leave them behind?
Didn’t you realize that by filling the emotional emptiness with food is only digging you deeper? You are burring yourself alive!

I know that emptiness can be both a physical sensation and an emotion. I know that it’s difficult to describe something when it’s absent. I know that when the emotions start knocking in your head, you loose control. You want that noise reminding you of your failures, your loneliness, your perfectionism to go away. You want to kick them out of your head! You don’t care how they will be gone, as long as they are not there! Thus, you do the easiest things- reach out for food! But look at me and listen! That is not the answer to your problems!

When you feel this emptiness, these negative feelings overtaking you…just wait. Let them roll around and settle in your mind, heart or body! Face it! What scares you about it? Why do you feel so weak? Answer these question and you will find the strength to fight it! When you binge ask yourself “Why am I doing it?”; “What am I trying to avoid?” I know that when the devil in your head is pushing you to compulsive overeating it is hard to think reasonable- but give it a try. You will fail the first time, the second time, but finally the fear you are hiding will understand that you are not a doll. It can’t break you down!

When you feel these emotions creeping in your mind, stay away from food. Just go outside for a walk. It is just a matter of taking your mind somewhere else, where it will feel comfort. Call a friend that knows about your problem- just talk over it, and the troubles will fall from your shoulders. Find another outlet. Find something you enjoy doing- maybe painting? Reading? Or something else! Just find what it is and do it when you feel the urge.
I know it is a long road to travel. But do not give in to emotional setbacks. Instead- WELCOME THEM! Welcome them as an opportunity to fill the emptiness with the best that your life has to offer!

You are more than a number!

Always remember- YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!

Today what I wanna talk about is THE SCALE! And hold on! I bet that when you hear that word, the adrenaline starts rushing through your veins, you feel the butterflies in your stomach and the fear of that useless object starts overtaking you!

It is so sad to see that so many women and obviously even men measuring their attractiveness through what the numbers on the scale show! I feel perplexed how to explain how useless the numbers on the scales are,so  I turned for help to my friend wikipedia and what it says is: “weight is the name given to the force on an object due to gravity.” So you are trying to convince me that measuring how gravity affects your body could be comparable to the way you see yourself, to how attractive you will feel and how sexy others think you are? Hm…doesn’t sound with much authenticity to me!

Let’s look at it that way. The gravity on Jupiter is about ten times stronger than the gravity on Earth. That means that if you go there you will weigh a lot more than you will weigh now. Does that make you look fatter? Feel less sexy? Makes you less attractive?? NO! Just because gravity affects you in different way on Jupiter, that doesn’t make you look worse! Then let’s move on to the Moon! There gravity is 5/6 less than it is on Earth. So iuhuuuuu you will be a lot lighter! Does that rise your self-esteem? Does it make you feel better? Well, it shouldn’t! You will look just the same way as you look now. So did you see, how you could weigh yourself, and the scale could show three different weights and you’d still look the same?

You are more than a number- YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!

I hope that is enough to convince you that the numbers on the scale, are not relevant to your attractiveness. Nobody cares how much you weigh. People perceive objects by the way they look. When you meet somebody, they won’t carry a scale with them. They won’t ask you to step on the scale, see the numbers and according to them decide if you are worth being their friend or not!

I read an article that gave me some things to think about. It was said how in Playboy you get all the measuremeants of the models beside their weight! And why do you think it is that way? Because nobody cares. These girls are hot no matter how much they weigh because proportions are more important for the way others perceive you! That is why if you want to keep track on your body composition, it is way better to grab a meter and take your measures, instead of ruining your mind with the useless numbers on the stupid scale!

Think about people with chicken legs and big bellies. And now imagine a fit, strong person. Both of them might weigh the same, but do they look the same? NO! I wouldn’t care how much they weigh! I’d just admire the second one and encourage the first one to get his nutrition right and start lifting some weights!

The numbers on the scale do not matter! It is just a trick of the marketing world. It is just a way of the industry to get in your head and make you feel bad, so you will use all their pills, foods, creams and other bullcraps to shape yourbody. But it won’t happen.You are not a piece of clay- you can’t be designed to look in certain way! Just take that wrong invention of humans-the scale…put it in a box, somewhere in the closet and forget about its existance. Live your life and enjoy it! And make sure that you never compare your attractiveness to some useless numbers!Remember- YOU ARE MORE THAN A NUMBER-YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!!!

The power of the mind- your best friend and your biggest enemy!

Gabriela Subashka

Eating disorders are diseases of silence. You are all silently screaming for something: attention, love, help, escape or forgiveness. You step on a road, where loneliness is your companion. At the beginning it is just you and your eating disorder. You somehow manage to keep control over it, until the disorder takes over your life and your body. You are the prisoner of your destructive thoughts. Even when all others see it as the thing that’s making you crumble to pieces, you still feel like it is what is holding you together. The eating disorder is what makes you strong so you don’t have to feel or want anything! The days go by so slowly. They are all the same. Nothing seems good enough or right enough. You try to fix it by punishing yourself by eating less, walking more, running more and whatever you could do to satisfy the drive for perfection. Then the night comes. The darkness is your little savior. Everybody is sleeping but the thoughts of hopelessness, self-hate, desperation and the weakness in your body won’t let you rest. You stay awake calculating calories, watching pictures of “perfect bodies”,exercising in the room….
The days pass, and you dig yourself deeper and deeper. The voice inside your head hisses in your ear. It constantly reminds you how unworthy you are; it reminds you what a pig you are; how you don’t deserve to eat, sleep or live. You try to fight it, but it is so much stronger. It seems like it’s been in your head forever, always stalking your plate and making you suffer…
This is just a piece of the whole picture of how eating disorders really feel. But today we are not going to guess what it is like to be suffering from anorexia or bulimia…today we will see the real life story of a beautiful girl, that somewhere along the way, striving for the perfect body image, slipped and fell deeper in the world of silence and suffering,a.k.a the eating the disorders.
Ines Subashka: Introduce yourself!
Gabriela Subashka: My name is Gabriela Subashka. I am 22 years old.

IS: When did everything start?
GS: Everything started in 2006, when I got back home from the USA, where I hit the shocking 96kg. I was only 17 years old, a period in every girl’s life when it is truly important how you look on the outside. It is really important that other people will like you! Up to this age I was never neither fat nor skinny- just a little over the norm. Some of my classmates used to say some things about the way I looked, but before my teenage years, these things didn’t really bother me. On my birthday in 2006, by accident I met that guy( he was just a friend). He was with some friends, and when I passed by, nobody said hi. They all just laughed at me. When I went back home, I turned on the computer and I saw that he had written in internet some terrible things about me. He literally insulted me. That hurt me really bad but later on that turned out to be the turning point, when I decided to fight the weight and be in shape. I worked pretty hard towards loosing the unwanted fat and soon the results were obvious. I was following a nutrition plan and I workout a lot. Everything was going perfect. For about an year and a half I lost 30kg. I looked pretty good and I still watched out what I ate. During that time I was still playing basketball. Unfortunately I was hanging out with the wrong people. I stepped in the world of fashion and modeling, where you are never skinny enough. That is when my life turned in nightmare!

Gabi, before and after!

IS: Were you afraid to eat? What did you do in case you happened to eat something?
GS: I was afraid from food. I used to measure everything on a little scale. I used to write down on a piece of paper the calories I consumed. I and the girls that I used to hang out with, talked over diets and how people look ( if they were fat or thin) all the time. I tried all kind of diets: only apples; only coffee and coke; just yogurt…but I did not loose a lot of weight. When I allowed myself to eat something different- I put on weight! One day, when we went out with the girls, they asked me if I ever tried to puke what I ate( especially if it was something “forbidden). I wondered for a moment and I answered that I wasn’t…they just giggled. Some time passed and when I did not see the results I felt desperate. I felt guilt when I ate something “forbidden” and one day I decided to try and puke when I ate. The feeling was terrible but I somehow felt better thinking that the calories I ate, didn’t “count” after I puke. At the beginning I did not puke very often, but later on I started doing it all the time.

IS: Did you increase your physical activity? What did you do to use up the calories you ate?
GS: Yes I increased my physical activity. I used to run in the park-twice a day and three times a week I went to Tae bo. After that I decided it wasn’t enough activity, so I stopped using my car and I walked everywhere I went. And I am not talking for some little distance…like 15km a day. I started taking laxatives in order to make sure I did not keep any food in my stomach. It drove me crazy every time I felt even the smallest sign of being full! At some point I just lost it all- the thought about loosing weight overtook my life, every second of my existence! Even while I was sitting in my classes, I used to tighten the muscles on my stomach, arms and butt in isometric contractions, so I’d spend more energy. I drifted away from my friends and family.

IS: How did you want to look? What was the perfect body for you?
GS: I wanted to be skinnier. I wanted more flat stomach, skinnier thighs, arms… I used to look at the pictures of Victoria SIcret’s models and I wanted to be like them!

IS: What was going through your mind when you saw skinnier girls on the street?
GS: When I saw skinnier girls, it filled me with anger, that I wasn’t that thin but in the same time it made me be stricter with starving myself and exercising more….slowly but surely the idea of being thin was eating me inside…

Gabi working out NOW!

IS: What health problems did you have as a result from the eating disorder?
GS: My health was really shaky. But to me it was not a consequence of the diets and my destructive way of life. I wasn’t able to sleep, or if it happened I used to wake up at 4a.m. and my sleep wasn’t really good. I couldn’t concentrate and I was irritated all of the time. My head was spinning and my puls used to go down to 30 heartbeats a minute. My period stopped. As a consequence from the laxatives and the starving I had serious problems with my stomach.

IS: How did you feel back then? What thoughts were running in your mind?
GS: At times I felt good but I still did not like myself. I knew I had a problem. I realized that puking was the slower way to death. I wanted to stop, but it was so much stronger than me! Every time I promised myself it will be the last time…but it was the last until the next time I puked….

IS: How did your friends and family treat you?
GS: At the beginning when I was overweight and I started loosing weight in a healthy way- they were happy for me and admired my will to change. But at one moment they started seeing how I ate( or actually how I did not eat). They tried convincing me to stop doing it. First they tried with good…then they catched me puking and things got tougher… They started keeping an eye on the food I eat and what I’d do after that.When I saw I couldn’t puke, I decided that I’d just stop eating. My family did not notice at the beginning, because I never sat on the table with them. For me it was a shame for somebody to see me eating. I thought they’d say” “ Look at that pig, why is she eating. Can’t she see herself in the mirror?” I started throwing away the food that my parents left for me. They used to put food in portions, so they’d make sure I ate enough.Later on they catched me throwing the food and the nightmare began. The relationship with my sister got worse and also with my parents. They all wanted to help me but in my eyes they were my enemy number one!


IS: What made you give up the puking and the starving?
GS: For a long time nothing could make me change. I tried for a day or two and then everything started again! I relied on the fact that when it comes up to family, you have the right to make endless faults. The things weren’t going in a good direction. I lost a lot of weight. My bones started making me bruises when I sat on a chair or lied in bed… Once while I was running in the park, my head was spinning and I lost conscious. I won’t tell about the next couple months, because I erased them from my mind… only the memory of how I felt back then is still alive!

During that time, I used to fight a lot with my family. One day while my grandma was at home, she told me something that shaked me and maybe this was the medicine I needed in order to change. My sister, my father and I lost somebody precious in a similar way. My grandma told me “ Gabi, don’t you think that it is way too much to experience the same thing twice in your life…”( she meant the loss my dad experienced and the loss he’d experience if I kept on destructing myself) These words stuck in my mind and I decided to stop. It was sohard. The road was so long. It was so difficult to return the trust , that I lost. I had moments when for a second I lost control over myself and I was stepping on the wrong path again. But with the help of my family I did it!

IS: What was the most difficult thing, when you started recovering?
GS: The hardest part was to stop puking and to just get rid of the idea about doing it. It was also difficult to overcome the notion that I will get fat if I eat.

IS: How did you overcome the fear of putting on weight? What made you start working out with weights?
GS: It was really hard to beat the fear and realize that putting on weight doesn’t happen in 30seconds. It took time… At the beginning it was really hard for me to come back to kilograms that were healthy for me. I used to eat a lot and not put on a gram. As the time went by I came back to normal eating and practicing and found out that I could hold up on certain kilograms. I have always been affraid of using weights in my workouts. I used to believe that if I do I would appear to look like a man and I had a hard time venturing to try. I used to stuck with running, jumping on a rope and thousands of sit ups. Everything was ok until I broke a bone on my foot. I could hardly walk and was any closer to running. Recovering was long and hard. I can’t breath without practicing, so I had to find an alternative. Thanks to my sister, I found it in working out with weights. I use up a lot of energy while practicing with weights and come up to results with my body, that I have always wanted to achieve.

Gabi NOW!

IS: What do you think about your appereance now? Do you like yourself? Do sometimes thoughts of throwing up or starving come back in your head?
GS: I think that I look nice. I like myself. There will always be something more to be accomplished but I consider that I have took only a bite of what weights workouts can give to me. And with such a great coach-my sister- I will go far. So I am looking forward to seeing the further results. You are asking me if I still have thoughts of throwing up and starving… This thoughts used to bother me from time to time, whenever I couldn’t get the diet or the practice that I needed but not anymore. From the time that my sister has took me in her hands I am perfectly happy with myself.

IS: What advice would you give to the girls that suffer from eating disorder?
GS: Unfortunately nowadays, eating disorders are a huge problem. I would advice those girls to like and love themselves, the way they are. We have to love ourselves. We are all different, but we have to accept ourselves. It is easier to stick in being a little overweight than to see life slipping out in front of you, dragging a long all the pepole that you love. I would advice them to practice and be physically active, because even being overweight can be sexy, if you are fit. It could be even more attractive than a skinny, slack person. And as a conclusion, they shouldn’t be affraid of working out with weights. Muscles are sexy.